


saturnity

by candied_stupidity (efflorescent_idiocy)



Series: Miya Twins Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Fights, Gen, Miya Twins Week 2020, Terminal Illnesses, prompt: separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflorescent_idiocy/pseuds/candied_stupidity
Summary: There are many different kinds of silences, Atsumu decides. There is the silence in the wake of awe, not-quite-silence as he commands the cheering squad with a single clenched fist, quiet in the early morning when he and Osamu jog side by side. This one, unlike the others, Atsumu despises.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Series: Miya Twins Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944265
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35
Collections: Miya Twins Week 2020





	saturnity

**Author's Note:**

> no, i did not start writing this months ago and then repurpose it. no stop. you're lying.

The air between them is heated, broiling with tension and regret.

They're wrapped in separate blankets, ripped apart by their own hands.

Atsumu hates it. He's choking, ears buzzing with the words he's said and throat clogged with the ones he only wishes he had. Tears blur his vision, but he can't be bothered to wipe them off his cheeks.

'Samu is curled up on the other side of the bed, and even though he's pointedly turned away, Atsumu knows he's crying too - just as silent and just as ugly.

He wonders if 'Samu remembers what they were fighting about. He doesn't. They'd been arguing like normal, but then 'Samu had yelled that he didn't want to go pro, and they were at each other's throats. He didn't know who had thrown the first punch - maybe it was one of them, or perhaps it was both. It didn't matter, because they'd snarled, in sync, "I wish I was the only one!"

Now, after finishing his obligations, there is nothing to do, nothing to distract him.

He drinks in the sensation of being one, being a half instead of a whole. What he feels, he finds, is both closest and furthest away from hunger.

 _Of course it is,_ he thinks, almost bitterly. The hunger never leaves. He had wanted to try volleyball, and 'Samu had caved, so it was still his fault.

They had loved it, loved and hungered for it, and they drowned in that hunger and emerged immortal - Inari, guarding the shrines they were named for. _(Osamu's has dulled, softened by good food and long fingers, dark hair and yellow eyes. Atsumu's has only been sharpened.)_

"'Samu," he finally says, and the nickname is weighted with all the things they have never said. "I'm tired of being hungry."

He startles, clearly having expected that he'd be the one breaking the silence.

He does not ask what Atsumu means - he already knows.

"Are you?" he asks. "Are you really, or are you scared of being hungry without me next to ya?"

At this, he bursts into tears again.

"'M _scared,_ 'Samu. I'm so hungry, but I don't know if it's the same without you. I don't _know_ if I want it anymore."

(He doesn't know if it's volleyball without his brother on the court.)

'Samu flips over, so Atsumu does too. They make eye contact, and he is reminded that 'Samu's eyes are a different shade than his. It was weird once, but now it's just another thing separating them (just another reason they'll stop being Atsumu-and-Osamu).

"I think you do know, and you're just afraid you can't."

At this, Atsumu scowls, because he knows what's coming next.

"You know what? I bet you'll spend so long wondering if going pro is the right decision that you'll waste away before then. I bet when we're ancient geezers, I'll have lived a way happier life than you."

Finally, Atsumu smiles, and it is the one he reserves for Osamu's eyes only.

"You're on."

* * *

_When I crave you, it is hardly innocent_

_I have not come to you without foreknowledge_

_You are a beast. I do not want you tame_

_You are a broken shape, but in_

_all these pieces, violent and raw_

_skin optional,_

_you are wretched. You are perfect._

_My dreams of you aren't rose-tinted._

_They are acid-bathed, sun bleached -_

_my dreams are ash_

_and remnants in the wake_

_My dreams are carcasses, crowpicked corpses,_

_roadkill in red, and black and white._

_I swear to you. I know what you are._

_They've written poems and_

_poems about taming the beast. I do not want you tame._

_I will have you, beast and all, monster eyes and bloody mouth._

* * *

_(Five years later)_

He slams a fist into the wall.

"Damn it!" he howls. _"Fuck you,_ 'Tsumu!"

His neighbors are going to complain. He doesn't give a shit.

Rintarou finally moves from where he's been standing, shocked still by the news and Osamu. He pats Osamu's shoulder, quiet and firm as he has always been.

It's the straw that breaks the camel's back.

He crumples to the ground with a sob.

"Damn it, damn it, _damn it all to hell,"_ he whimpers, scrubbing at his eyes with his soaked sleeves.

Rin crouches next to him, throws an arm around his shoulders, and murmurs quiet assurances.

"I know, Osamu. It's not fair that he gets to be so selfish, but you can't destroy yourself over it," he chides, pressing their cheeks together.

He's livid, tangled up in so much emotion he can't breathe.

They stay like that for a while, just breathing, until Rin reaches out and pats his hands, so gentle that he can feel his brokenness in its full magnitude. His fury cools to a slow simmer.

He looks down - his hands are shaking, nails biting into the meat of his palms and digging crescents into the skin.

He isn't up to doing anything about it, so Rin ends up prying his hands apart.

"It's not fair," he mutters frantically. "Getting lung cancer and refusing to tell any of us. Dying and letting me get the news from a damn phone call. Fucking cheater."

Rin pauses, extremely soothing pats slowing. Osamu whines - he gets the hint and speeds up.

"Cheater?"

He nods vigorously.

"He's cheating on the bet we made. I can't be happier if he dies out of nowhere!"

He snorts, the way he always does when he thinks Osamu's being stupid.

"Only you would be mad that he died without telling you because you'd lose a bet."

"Damn right I am."

He tries to sound cheerier, but his voice cracks and the tears keep flowing, and he's not convincing at all. Osamu decides to just put all his cards on the table.

"I-I called him so many t-times. He had so m-many chances to tell me, but he n-never said a _word._ And I never noticed a thing."

"You know what Atsumu is like. He was just too proud to admit it. You're your own person, and a business owner to boot. You're too busy to pick apart everything he says."

They are silent, but he feels a little better - enough to get up soon and start to sort Atsumu's things out.

Of course he had to move his things out for his twin - what a _pain._

 _Of course I'd do that for ya, 'Samu! That way ya have ta deal with me for a little longer,_ the Atsumu-voice in his head chirps.

This is going to set him back quite a bit, but he'll be damned if he doesn't at least give Atsumu a good run for his money.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry, the ending's a bit clunky.  
> im on twt @BloomingIdiocy


End file.
